The Four Agreements

By Don Miguel Ruiz

What is this book?

If I need to give this a genre, you got me, it is a self-help book. But it is quite different, from all the books you read, that gives you this instant motivation and makes you think, you are unique and are here to perform massive tasks that none can perform. (Which is true)

The author states 'four agreements' as the title suggests.

So what is Agreement?

The talk you have with yourself or principles by which you live by. Principles can make concepts difficult to grasp, so I will deal with the first one.

"You can't do that, you know"

"Hey, how can I forgive him for that?"

"Stop thinking too much"

Yeah all these talks, and how you talk with yourself depends on what agreements you have with yourself. You can have an agreement that dictates, 'You can't dance' and also, 'You can do anything if you give it a lot of time'.

These are the agreements, sort of things you have with yourself, you will live based on them, more than you think. So now, Ruiz proposes a plan. What if, you could change those agreements that can limit you or makes you take wrong decisions with respect to others. What if you can simply replace those agreements with agreements that definitely will guide you in a positive way.

How to overcome the old bad agreements you have with yourself?

As I said earlier, not just having the new agreements will help us. We need to get rid of those toxic relationship we have with ourselves.

You know how many times you abuse yourself? Sounds absurd? It is true. Think of times, when you thought it was all your fault. (I can hear you, but I just can't believe you saying me, 'It was all actually my fault, you know?')

You know what, you can't carry that guilt too far. It will drag you down. When someone stresses it's your fault, you will likely believe them, than when they say, it was their fault. You will likely believe when those words when they come from people you love the most.

It's fine, people most of the time, don't utter the words they mean 100%. So, start searching for your own answers. Stop punishing yourself. Forgive yourself easily, it is no big deal. After all, you are always younger than tomorrow. Stop saying things to yourself, that you know, when you utter to others will break their heart. Don't be harsh on yourself, you definitely don't deserve that.

I know you are waiting to know what are those agreements

As I was when starting to read the book.

1. Be Impeccable with Your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make Assumptions
4. Always do your Best

Aaah, this is what every self help book tells you, what's the big deal?

Well, first off, I never saw a self-help book having contents this less. Telling 'this is it, this is enough' itself was such a great relief. (If you had known books with such less words in the contents page, go ahead comment it, I would love to read them too :) )

Let me brief you on the first one. The word 'impeccable' is beautiful (or was it his explanation for it !?!?). It just means, 'not capable of sinning'. I hear you, even I haven't committed such 'sins', so hear me out. He says, sins are actions or beliefs, that affects you, the origin of those sins might be others or yourself. Don't utter words you would clearly regret them later. It's the most difficult agreement as he states. But the most important too.

When I was reading the next one, I felt I was constantly hit by a bullet. They were so true for me. I take everything personally so easily, that even sarcasm affects me (Yeah I know, it's not the point of sarcasm). I was feeling so negative already, so I took in every cue that tells, you know what, you are trash. People most of the time, don't even care about others' actions, like about what dress you wear or how you laugh. The thing is, they are worried about themselves just like you, and they have no time to watch you and criticize you or have an opinion.

Have the courage. Yeah, don't make assumptions. If in doubt, just ask questions, a lot of question if it needs. Just be brave enough to confront them and don't end up making your own cloud of thoughts. You know, I love this, it reduces all the unnecessary stress you have. People will actually love to clarify than to know, you have got it all wrong. At the same time, don't be annoying, just ask when you need to.

Now to this part, where you used to harass yourself. It's just so simple. Give your best. Do all you can, the universe then catches up to you. The point is, even if the universe is a late bloomer, be happy and contented that you did all you can. I would like to add something here, even if you didn't give your best. It's fine. Forgive yourself and look for ways you can improvise. The most important thing of all this is, 'don't punish yourself, be a great friend to yourself''.

Do read the book, I can obviously, not state everything the author said or how he said. You will find very good moments when you read them. The book explains how we ended up like this, how to break those old agreements and how to form the new ones and live by them. To buy the book, click here

Rating: 4/5

I would love to know your thoughts if you had already read this book or you can come here anytime to tell about all that, once you read. I am all ears (well words, if comment section doesn't support biomimicry)